This is how we roll.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

New Everything

I've made a few changes around here. For a start, my stats and goals and contact info are now at the side. I'll be updating my stats every day for the next week because I'm fasting and I want you guys to see the difference so check it out :)

I also have tangerine coloured hair right now. It looks amazing. It's only staying for a week though because after that, I'm dying it dark red. I have very dark hair so I always have to lighten my hair if I want to dye it.

Another new addition is that I now have contact lenses again! Yay! I've missed them so much.

I've also found a spreadsheet that allows you to calculate your weight loss week by week, by entering calories burnt and consumed. If anyone else wants it, get in touch and I'll e-mail it to you :)

I've been food free for nearly 39 hours and I feel fantastic! I've decided to fast for as long as possible, along with Mindy and KG. Anyone else who wants to jump in is welcome to!

I really do feel better now I'm not binging and I've stopped PMSing.

Today's Thinspo

Milla Jovovich is beautiful. Enjoy :)

Today's Quote

"I have seen the same, I know the shame in your defeat. But I will hold on hope and I won't let you choke, on the noose around your neck. And I'll find strength in pain and I will change my ways." - The Cave by Mumford and Sons.

Today's Playlist

1) Y Control - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2) Buddy Holly - Weezer
3) Skinny - Edith Backlund
4) Lucy At The Gym - Jill Sobule
5) Get In or Get Out - Hot Hot Heat

I always wonder about my readers so if you guys don't mind me stealing a few more seconds of your time I'd like to do some research. Just post your answers at the bottom :)

1) How are you today?
2) How did you come by my blog and what are your favourite and least favourite parts?
3) What do you do?
4) What country do you hail from?
5) What's your weight loss goal (if you have one) and what will you do to celebrate once you've hit it?

Love, love, love!

Analise.
xxx

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Obvious Fatty is Obvious

I like uploading the image first and then typing around it. No idea why.

Skip ahead to...

I've been very bad lately. I've been eating. I've been drinking. I've been...screaming on the inside. I'm due on in a week. AND I AM SO SICK OF BEING FAT! I am sick of my grandparents and my dad lecturing all the time about what I should and shouldn't do. I just want to say: Look, if you wanted some sort of influence on how I turned out then maybe you should've been around more. But you weren't. Leave me alone. I'll do what I want with my life. Because it's MINE. You have no business here. Go away.

I'm sorry, guys. I'd been doing so well the past few days. Not with eating, but with being more productive and job-hunting and doing stuff around the house and today, I just feel awful. It's my own fault. I just feel so alone. Normally, I don't mind. I like being alone. I'm not a huge fan of interacting. I like people. I just don't like talking to them. But today, I feel so so alone. I want to scream and cry and yell at someone. I want a hug, from someone and I can't ask. I can never ask. I can never rely on anyone because relying on people is stupid. The only person you can count on is yourself.

Besides, I'm too much of a burden. I'm too...unreliable. I am so sick of that adjective being used to describe me. I want to be better. I want to be thinner. I want to be smarter. I want to stop being such a baby. Stop being such a weakling. JUST STOP IT.

...HERE.

My new diet plan for the week is this: Fast (if someone will fast with me) or live on cucumber and 5 calorie jelly until I run out of either. I have a large cucumber and 8 pots of jelly. Even if I binge, I can't do any damage. I can do this. I will do this. I will be at least 5lbs thinner by next week. I will be thinner by this time next week.

I'll post stats tomorrow so you can have before and after. I'd do it now but I can't get to the scales to weigh myself, just do measurements.

Today's Thinspo

I've been watching re-runs of AMNTM while I've been doing aerobics in the morning and I think Fo is beautiful. It makes me sad that she lost just because of her height. I also have short hair, am short and have a similar skin tone so I'm hoping to look like her in 3 months :)

Today's Quote

"Life is like the night sky. In the darkness, there are stars" - Anon.

Today's Playlist

1) Have to Drive - Amanda Palmer
2) Come Home Soon - Hannah Trigwell
3) The Good Life - Five Times August
4) Waves of Grain - Two Gallants
5) Glass Slipper - The Dresden Dolls

Does anyone know of any way I can get a gizmo for this thing so I can play you the songs instead of just list them? I am totally incompetent with HTML so if you do, e-mail me: lillibet91@gmail.com or comment below.

very simple instructions should do it but I may ask for diagrams.

Love you all,

Analise.
xxx

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

[Insert Witty Blog Title Here]


Hello!

First of all, I want to apologise for the hiatus. Especially after the "ahh, I'm suicidal!" post. Especially after you were all so lovely and concerned. Thank you for all your wonderful comments of support. I love you all. It was not terribly polite of me to run off. I went to stay with my grandma and my dad. I've only just got home. I'm slowly but surely getting through everyone's blogs. I have about 25 tabs open right now. I just wanted to let you all know I was still around.

I managed not to gain any weight while I was at my Grandma's which is a darn tooting miracle. My grandma is fat. Sad but true. She eats red meat and four meals a day, drinks a bottle of wine every day and drives everywhere. Staying with her sends me into a spiral of anxiety because she expects me to be the same too. It's the same at my dad's. I managed not to stray too far off track though. My measurements for today are:

Height: 5ft 3in (I am an inch shorter than I thought I was. Boo.)
Weight: 148lbs (-2lbs)
Hips: 38.98 (+0.59in)
Waist: 28.15 (-1.18in)
Left Thigh: 22.05 (-0.59in)
Right Thigh: 21.85 (0.0.39in)

I am still fat but my, it does feel good to have a 28in waist and 21in thighs again! 140lbs here I come!

Today's Thinspo

I want to share an amazing discovery I made with you guys. Today's thinspo picture is special. It is jelly. Jell-O to my American followers. It is completely fat free. It is also about 5.5 calories per pot. I cannot tell you how much this jelly is going to change my life. I've been living off it. It is delicious and I don't feel at all guilty when I eat it. MY LIFE = COMPLETE.
I tried to find a way for you guys who are in America/Australia to get hold of it, but I failed dismally. :( However, for those of you here in the U.K - it comes in 4 flavours and it's 59p per pot from Tesco.

Today's Quote

"I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe.

Today's Five Song Playlist

1) Foofights - Everlong
2) The Donnas - Who Invited You?
3) Alanis Morissette - Ironic (it's such a stupid song, but it's catchy)
4) Tsunami Bomb - Irish Boys
5) Blue Foundation - Eyes on Fire (I'm aware this is from the Twilight soundtrack but we all have our crosses to bear).

Peri: I meant to add that I think you have stunning eyes and gorgeous legs! You're beautiful, girl.

I've decided that once I hit 140, I'll post a before and after picture. 8lbs to go!

I hope you're all doing well, lovelies.
Back to blogs now.
Love you all!

Analise.


Saturday, 21 August 2010

Suicide Attempt #4


I spent 12 hours in hospital yesterday because I overdosed. Again. Even I'm getting sick of me doing this. I don't even want to die, I just can't stop myself. The minute I'm within a foot of a bunch of pills, I just want to pop them. I feel exhausted. I've pulled all my stomach muscles from throwing up, I can't stop shaking, my heart won't stop pounding. By the time I got home, I'd gone 40 hours without food. Fasting was incredibly easy because I just felt too sick to eat. I had to see the on-call psychiatrist who wasn't even that helpful. I'm very tired.

The strange thing is that I feel empty. Physically empty, even when I eat. Not hungry. Just...empty. It's bizarre.

This week has been fairly awful, to be honest. My Wii Fit is non-operational so I've resorted to walking up and down the stairs or going for long walks by the canal for exercise. Because of that, I only have my crappy inaccurate scales to weigh myself so I have NO idea how much I weigh which is bugging the hell out of me.

Between psychiatrists, hospital and non-functional exercise equipment, I'm feeling pretty down.

I hope you're all doing much better than I am, dears.

Today's Thinspo

I love this one. I hope you do too :)

Today's Quote

It's a little bit different today. Have a poem. One of mine:

Peach Pie Thighs

I am afraid of my own body
and my subconscious doesn’t like me.
She writes poetry better than anything
I’ve ever heard and
taunts me with it,
with stages,
with audiences with ticker-tape eyes.

When I wake I only save a sliver,
a word or a line,
that I hate because
they never feel like mine
The truth is:

I want to write poetry
with adjectives that don’t fit.
I want to stop feeling like shit,
just for a minute,
stop coming up with mediocre rhymes
and have the time
to live my life
rather than just survive
and write mediocre dream-poetry
about it.

Today's 5 Song Playlist

1) 19-2000 by Gorillaz
2) Plastic Man by Seether
3) You're Lovely To Me by Lucky Jim
4) Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows
5) The Grapes Song by Demetri Martin

Love
Love
Love.


Tuesday, 17 August 2010

You Have To Want It: More Than Anything


Let me start off by saying to my dear readers (that's you): I love you!
I cannot believe I have so many of you already. I'll try and make it worth your while. You guys are my inspiration, my commiseration committee, my favourite people.

I will not beat around the bush. Today sucked. I had an assessment with a psychiatrist this morning who said I was displaying symptoms of two separate disorders (one anxiety, one personality) but because the condition I actually have isn't listed in the DSM-IV yet, didn't diagnose me with ANYTHING. FAIL. The meeting was pretty much like this "Oh hai. Error 404: Diagnosis not found. Redirecting you to a similar page. Wud you likes some drugz?" Long story short, I have an incurable condition that might not haunt me emotionally forever but will sure as hell impair my physical quality of life, because I'm probably going to be on migraine medication for the rest of it. Hurrah.

On to slightly cheerier things: I've had a request for some tips and tricks and I'm very flattered Thank you to all of you for your congratulations. Your encouragement means the world to me. Enough gushing. Some of these you'll probably know, others you might not but I'll throw everything in there, regardless:

Tips and Tricks

1) Do not eat after 7pm. Your body is more likely to store calories eaten after this time as fat.

2) Drink as much hot lemon water as you like. I suggest two per day, minimum. One teaspoon of lemon juice in hot water is one calorie. It boosts your metabolism which is especially good if you're fasting.

3) A long brisk walk is better for you than a run. The reason for this is because you have two main sources of energy: glycogen and fat. Sudden bursts of energy (e.g. running) encourage your body to use up all your glycogen. This will reduce your fat a little, but not much. Longer, more consistent energy use, however, encourages your body to use your fat storage instead. Thus, a walk burns more fat, if not calories, than a run. I usually do step aerobics while I watch the TV though, which has the same effect :)

4) Munch on ice cubes if you feel hungry. It keeps your mouth busy and you get extra water!

5) I use this as a last resort, if I need to. If you feel like you're going to eat when you don't want to/can't, weigh or measure yourself. Think about how well you're doing and how eating will spoil it.

6) We live in a world with Twinkies and chocolate and muffins and crisps and fries and cookies and that's something that we're going to have to accept. My great-grandma used to say that "a little of what you fancy does you good." No one can live off vegetables all the time. Especially not if they've tasted Twinkies first. Let yourself indulge once in a while. Just do it in moderation. Fit a treat into your calorie allowance. You deserve it!

7) Do math. This is my solution for nearly every problem in my life, believe it or not ^^;
It helps me sleep and it helps me keep my mind off food. For example, there are 3500 calories in 1lb. Let's say your basic metabolic rate is 1450 and you're an average person that consumes 2000 calories a day. That means that 550 calories are stored as fat. Let's say you burn off 200 a day, leaving 350 stored as fat. Conclusion: every 10 days you gain 1lb. That's 36lbs a year. Obesity mystery = solved.

8) Don't berate yourself too much if you screw up. Positive thinking is more effective than negative thinking. Corny, but true :)

9) Eat from smaller bowls and plates. I have a very small in the shape of a frog and small rainbow plate, with matching cup. Portion control can be fun!

10) I think that as a community our biggest fall is from too many liquid calories. I try and get around it by making my calorie allowance cover my drinks as well as my food.

I think the biggest tip of all is the title of this post, though. You need to really want it. It'll be hard but that's what makes it most rewarding in the end. I hope some of this has helped you :)

Today's Thinspo

Waist Day! (This is like Wednesday - but not) A good waist is essential to a perfect figure. Half-moon postures, people!

Today's Quote

"Hate to break it to you but it's out of my control. Forces go to work while we are sleeping. If I could attack with a more sensible approach, obviously that's what I'd be doing, right?...If you had to live with this you'd rather lie than fall. You think I can't fly, well, you just watch me!" - Gravity, The Dresden Dolls.


Today's 5 Song Playlist

1) Where'd You Go by Fort Minor
2) Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba
3) Hot Hot Heat - In Cairo
4) Sincerely Hope It's You - Edith Backlund
5) Evelyn Evelyn - Evelyn Evelyn


I hope you're all well :)

Love,

Analise.